This place

Posted by Jess LeMin on

I am in this place right now that I can’t explain.

It’s somewhere between crazy

and insane.

The people around me are in turmoil

The people on TV flashing pearly whites, don’t seem to get it or notice.

Maybe it’s all the xanex?

Everything I’ve ever learned is a lie

everything I’ve ever believed is true.

What the hell does that leave me to do?

I’m tired of being tired

tired of feeling a lone

tired of struggling

every day just to get out of bed

let a lone accomplish something with my 24 hrs

My mind is frantically trying to wrap itself around this

clock like ticking and hammer like pounding

Why do I have to live my life as if I were drowning?

Is it any wonder why I want so desperately to get out of this place?

Is it any wonder why all I crave is an escape?

How much more of this can I take?

 

Contempt.

Posted by Jess LeMin on

She says that she still loves me, but I’m not buying it.

I tell her that I still love her, but she’s not buying it.

I don’t remember ever taking that turn that turned us around and knocked us on our ass

I don’t think she does either.

There was a time when I looked at the woman next to me with adornment and lust

and now i look at her with just..

ugh. a sigh. a sign. an i don’t know why.

We can’t get a long anymore no matter how hard we try

nothing is right and it’s the one truth we still share

the one thing we have in common is this

need to piss each other off

We’ve played this play

and played this game

for far too long

I’m over it

and it’s over me

hanging there like a dark cloud with lightening bolts

raining only over Charlie Brown.

Is it better to leave

or work it out?

What’s left to work out?

other than this depression induced gut

that I wear across my mid section

like a seatbelt

it restrains me from the inevitable collision

that will come as soon as I take it off

and try to begin again

on my own.

I’m too old to believe in forever

too young to feel so done.

In my next life,

I will do my best to be contempt with loving me.